42 back!

Mon, 22 May 2006 22:38:34 +0200

I can use this blog now.
there was an error for a long time.

:)

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 20:06:59 +0100

Long time i have not write anything in this blog.
Because I couldn't log in.So i have wrote diary in another blog which the address is
http://magicapple.blog.com

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sad

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 21:39:46 +0100

Today i am tired.do not like that job.feel bored and stressful.
I just do not want to work for anyone else anymore.I just want to work for myself.
feel so tired.

sad about I do not know what i am doing.
just want to go to sleep and do not need to wake up again.

some friends i do not think they are my friends.It sounds like,but they are not really.

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Mess

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 01:34:28 +0200

My mind is mess.

and do not know why i was doing that.but i can find some possible reasons.

but do not want to accept them.

I told myself 'do not feel bad.because that is not worth.'

but why the feelings almost killed me?

who never care.

but what i am care for?

something always looks never end...I hope never end,but i know one day it will have a end..

Now i feel quiet.too quiet.

i want to love someone,but someone do not let me to love.

i should do somehing,but feel so tired.

in the morning i had a nightmare.i woke up and want to cry.

so tired.

is there any one to come to tell me what i should do?

many people like me but i do not like them,but when i like someone,and someone will run away.

is that a game?

i created the game?or someone want to i play in it?

like a cycle never end...

i believe love never end...like the music which i played now.it makes me feel like never end.

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it was being crazy

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 00:38:17 +0200

but not bad at all.

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terrible weather

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 22:43:40 +0200

Today is cold.
I met him and do not understand him.i felt stupid.
i should give up.
When i met him i became nervous.
normally i do not nervous in front of people.
I just can not control myself.
and i did nothing today,but drunk 4 cups of coffee in 3 different cafes.
i do not know what i am doing?

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Is there any one give me a answer?

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:26:34 +0200

I do not understand,am i psyco?
i like someone,even i just want to be a friend with him,but i do not know why i always text to him,i texted to him over 12 messeges during the day.i think i am doing something too much passion.i can not stop to explain myself to talk some rubbishes,maybe i try to let him understand me,but i think that is really stupid way.and i afraid because that he do not like me anymore.
does he afraid to see me or just being busy this week,my feeling always tell me something wrong over there.maybe something just doesn't work.but i also afraid when i am thinking something too much ,after that things become true.am i a witch?hopefully not,this idea freak me out.

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confusing

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 22:56:48 +0200

I do not know what i am doing.i am so confused.
i make something hard for me.
can i just live in the dream?do not wake me up,please!until die...

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:)

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 11:57:45 +0200

not bad!

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shut up

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 02:06:56 +0200

I have to shut up.
it is dangerous.
I talk too much.and i tell people everything.too childish.
too stupid.

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very good mood today

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 17:46:25 +0200

feel:
sweet,confidece,fun,smile,good relationship with friends...
with love in life...

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awake

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 03:52:09 +0200

I still wake up.
feel worried and nervous before.
i did not know what i was doing
i feel sad about someone cry in front of me,i am sure it was not crying about me,i thought something else.but i felt painful.i know i like him ,but not that much.but i did not say anything,because he is too nice to me.but i can not trust anyone now.i found enough for the complicated relationships.i am really confusing about friendships and relationships.
maybe be single is better.i am tired for that.

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do you like fancy dress,for women

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 03:44:26 +0200

if any woman see this blog and like fancy dress for special party,please leave me a messege.
see the samples,please click the link:
http://magicapple.free2.51web.cn/fancy_dress_/image0.html

you can get cheaper price than other shops.

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i want to know

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 01:53:24 +0200

what will happen if i love a gay.

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so sexy

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 22:31:06 +0200

i think he is.

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take control of my life

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 21:03:06 +0200

after before yesterday i feel better.
i know i learned something and i am in a real world.
but i am happy
because i am not being stupid anymore

yesterday i met N again,i think he likes me,he almost do not say anything.it was feeling weird,i looking forward see him again.
but he has boyfriend.i am crazy...

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nice songs

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 16:57:54 +0200

that make me feel beautiful and bright future,there is hope.

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want to have a baby

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 23:16:58 +0200

so cute

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.

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 21:04:03 +0200

Tonight i got work
anyway tomorrow sleep all the day and party all the night

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strong person

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 00:59:48 +0200

i am not strong,and i do not want to being strong

today i am so weak.

i think G is not as me like a friend.
what is mean about friends？
man and woman can not be friends?
maybe just because i am too small and i am useless.and i am too weird.

just few people care,but it was better than no one.

please do not cry,please be happy,please sometime being strong.
life is so short ,who knows what will happen tomrrow.

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crying again

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 00:05:15 +0200

i donot understand why i am so stupid,i do not think is there anyone stupid than me.

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wake up too early

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 08:42:03 +0200

Yesterday night i could not sleep until 2am,maybe because last weekend i slept in the day and had the parties at night.
and i missed him so much.
feel i was getting angry and sad

stupid...

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...

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 23:31:58 +0200

This weekend was great,but i really tired.i didn't sleep at Friday and Saturday night.i listened different kinds of music and dancing all the night.
it was amzing.
feel a bit too crazy,but i love it.
and i also feel weird.

regret something what i did not good.it was very stupid.
feel i am not good enough...but i know there is some reason there.

but now i just want to sleep.go back that very weird dream.it made me scard sometimes

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i am happy today

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 01:32:54 +0200

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:)

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 04:52:19 +0200

tonight i went out and got a little drunk.
but it was good.
after the party i got on a bus,but the next stop i got off.because my friend called and gave me free sushi from her shop,and i love sushi,and i was crazy,didn't want to go home.but that time already 12:30am.
For thanks i invited her to eat in china town.there is a place open until 3am in the morning.
and we are planing going out other place next week.

i think i go out too much.
i spend too much money for this.

but anyway now i am happy.

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music

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 04:25:27 +0200

Now the radio is playing a nice song.but i do not know what is the song name.
todqy i went to see the movie'MR&MRS SMITH',it was fun.
i love the music when they dancing.
i think it was a spanish or south american music.the music makes feel that was sexy and romatic.a kind of gentel music.
listened too much pop,R&B,and club music,i love to listen something diffrent.

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something would be different

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 03:58:18 +0200

Now i am more happier.
I found i get it over.
and i know i can do many things if i want.
sometime i am afraid to move on.
i am not scare any changes,i love changes.it makes me brave.
i know i am not brave enough and weakness in my heart.
But i know i am getting stronger.
i can make my life easier.
I know what i gonna do now,i should study by myself,take care myself.

i know tomorrow i will better than today,and the day after tomorrow i will better than tomorrow.

tonight i did not drink any alcohol
but i am so drunk...

I like to be a little drunk,it makes me feel i do not care many things.so i know the limit made by myself.
I should start to change something in my life.
I know when i change my mind,i know something would be different.

i sometimes thinking about my weird dreams.sometimes they were just like movies.yesterday i was freaked out about it.i know it was not good sign.so i think something did not happen on today.it was the way must to be.i should not ask for it.but i really childish.i found i refuse to grow up.so i still that little girl.anyway i did not get answer because i am face to a cold fish.he is too adult,a strong person but weird too.he is a nice person,i think maybe i have a little crash with him.i admire him because i think he knows many things.but sometimes it just doesn't work with someone.

sometimes i felt i really no power do anything.like today afternoon.when someone want to take my confidence away.but no one can take it away.after few hours i know that thought just silly.
i know maybe i am mad and stupid,but i am not always.

what is the life about?what kind of a person i want to be?i think about them many times.but i am still not sure.

this blog i call it '42',because i think that means 'For love',because someone told me that the life secret is a number 42, I do not know that number where is it from.but i think
4=FOR,2=爱，for love.

I think love is the most important thing in my life.

I love with my mum,dad,my friends...and my future husband,and i am try to do anything with love and passion.I love the word'passion'.

still wake up.i know i am crazy,
many boys told me i am crazy,but i am happy with.
should be crazy when i young

now i am thinking this,maybe next day i am not.
but i know nothing change yet,but i know the future will be change.

change is not easy,sometimes my brain can control my body,like now when i writing.but sometimes my body can control my brain.

what is the answer?maybe i never know.
but i do know the life is amzing...

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?

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 13:13:29 +0200

when I looked at the blue sky and beautiful views.I thought the life is amzing.But when i sit down and thinking,actually i do not know what i am thinking.I found everything is mess.I think I am mad.My friends are right.I made myself difficult.
Why i have to keep that fucking stupid dream?Is there any hope?is there any beautiful?everything is just in my mind.
who cares?

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did nothing

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 16:26:53 +0200

Today i woke up very later.it was about lunch time.
very hot outside.and no single phone call.
I am so bored.
maybe i'll go out have a drink later.
yesterday i went to a pub,they have got fruit beer.it was nice.
but i prefer to drink some juice.

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what is wrong with me?

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:24:31 +0200

Is there anyone same as me?Am I have got the problems?
I do not know did i call people too much?
some people told me they annoyed about i called too much.I have got a friend who called me all the time.i do not really like that.
But how many call in a day that is normal?
i feel bad when my friend told me about that,because i want to people like me not hate me.
I think i really childish.i cannot stand to wait,I want to say or done something right now.because waiting makes me crazy.so in this way i am selfish.i just care about my feelings and did not think about other people.
But actually i am really afraid people.

The answer is there,i just do not wake up or maybe i do not want to accept it.

I do not know why i am miss him so much today.what is wrong with me?
maybe just i used to see him.so a bit miss him.just a bit crash.nothing at all...so please do not start again.stop...i am so tired about this.i have to avoid myself to think about him.now it is not too later.
the better way is not going to love anyone.because i am too easy to get hurt.i feel enough.

i should think about myself problems,keeping busy.the life is not just about love.there are many things what i can do and enjoy with.

So please stop be stupid.

be aware!
if that is mine,i will have it.if that is not belong to me,i won't get it.

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